It's been two days since we had the blood test result that showed that I am no longer pregnant. It's been a strange time - devastating of course, and there have been lots of tears shed as we think about everything we were looking forward to - but we are also grateful that we were not further along. I realise that comment may seem a bit heartless. This was a new life, even if for only a little while - but going through this after weeks or even months must be simply awful. We have been talking together a lot and there are more discussions to come about where to from here. There is no rush, though. In the meantime, we are still grieving and it will take a little time before we are ready to move on.
Physically, I am doing better than I thought. I imagined that this would be painful and I had no idea whether there would be a lot of bleeding. But other than a bit of discomfort, easily controlled with paracetamol, there has been no pain. I have continued to have a brown discharge, though I have passed some thick reddish tissue as well, yesterday and today, which I am assuming is the remnants of the pregnancy. I am grateful that I have been able to get on with day-to-day life as much as possible. The last thing I wanted was to be in pain or in bed for days while this process took its course. This didn't need to be any more difficult than it has been.
This morning I will go to the medical centre for a confirmation blood test. I am not looking forward to telling the nurse the bad news. I don't really want to have this test - it is pretty clear that things have gone very wrong - but I guess the clinic needs to make absolutely sure. When the results come through tomorrow, they will ring me and we will discuss having a review appointment with Dr C.