20 September 2013


Nurse E just rang with the bad news. My blood test this morning was negative. I think I had prepared myself for this. I have had some minor cramping today (don't know why - I shouldn't expect a period until a few days after I stop the progesterone pessaries) and I took that as a sign that all wasn't well. It would have been a nice surprise if it had been positive, but I was feeling pessimistic.

I called D at work and we had a good cry together over the phone. He'll be home in an hour or so and tonight we plan to drink wine and eat lots of things that I haven't been allowed to eat for a while. I think we deserve it after all this time and effort.

Interestingly, even at this very early stage, we both would like to try again. We had assumed that this would be our last attempt. It is so expensive and emotionally taxing and we do have to call a halt at some point. But we're just not ready to think about the alternatives. Tramping through the Andes, getting lost in the back streets of Istanbul, taking a road trip across North America - all that could be wonderful, but I don't want to be childless. We will discuss this more during the weekend, I am sure.


  1. Oh... I'm so very sorry...

    Crying is good... crying together, even better...

    With caring loving thoughts,

    1. Thank you so much, my friend. I just don't know what to do with myself. My mother just rang and I had to pretend to be fine and dandy. I'm glad it's the weekend soon and we can allow ourselves a couple of days together to get used to the news.

  2. I'm so sorry about the need to put up a pretense for your mother... Makes everything so much more difficult not to be able to grieve with others...

    Please take care, and I hope you cried and grieved over the weekend together...

    1. We did - and we also did a lot of talking and are coming to terms with this latest hurdle. In a way, it's easier to keep all of this private. I hated telling other people the bad news after our previous failures, especially those who are emotionally involved like our family. But it is lovely to have support online!