The last review and blood test

This morning D and I had our review appointment with Dr C at the clinic. She was very kind and sympathetic, and we talked for a while about how we felt and where we might go from here. It seems that there was really nothing that anyone could have done differently. This pregnancy just was not meant to be.

Losing a pregnancy

It's been two days since we had the blood test result that showed that I am no longer pregnant. It's been a strange time - devastating of course, and there have been lots of tears shed as we think about everything we were looking forward to - but we are also grateful that we were not further along. I realise that comment may seem a bit heartless. This was a new life, even if for only a little while - but going through this after weeks or even months must be simply awful. We have been talking together a lot and there are more discussions to come about where to from here. There is no rush, though. In the meantime, we are still grieving and it will take a little time before we are ready to move on.

Bad news

So the rollercoaster takes another turn. My blood test this morning showed that I am no longer pregnant. Nurse K rang just a few minutes ago to let me know. I have to have a confirmation test on Wednesday, just in case there was a lab error, but the chances are very slim. We are, frankly, devastated. D is on his way home from work. I guess when we are ready we will talk about where to from here, but for now there is a lot of crying to be done.

Trying not to panic

As the subject line says, things aren't looking so rosy this evening. For the past day or so, I've had a bit of brownish staining, rather like the very end of a period, and for most of this afternoon my tummy has been aching a little. Nothing too severe, just a bit of discomfort as if I'd eaten too much dairy or something. But when the discomfort increased about an hour ago, I went to the toilet and found that the brownish colour was now a brownish red. Something was not right. My immediate thought was that I was miscarrying, but I managed to hold it together enough to call the clinic's on-call nurse.

Confirmation

Yesterday I went down to our local medical centre to have my blood taken for the confirmation test. It was neat telling the nurses about our positive result. They have been taking my blood for these IVF cycles for over a year now and they were full of congratulations. It's so nice to have someone to tell!

A result

Well, today was the day that A and D finally found out that they were going to have a baby.

As I write this, the news hasn't really sunk in. Even typing that first sentence seems unreal. I have imagined this day for so long. My brain seems to be allowing in only a small portion of the news at a time, as if it won't cope with the reality of such a dream coming true. There's no hurry though. It's just nice to feel this happy.

Treatment summary

Dear A and D

We are writing to provide you with a summary of your last treatment cycle.

A boy and a girl?

Yesterday started dramatically for me. I woke at about 6.20am with a slightly uncomfortable tummy. By 6.40am it was the worst abdominal pain I'd ever experienced. It was worse than period pain. It felt like my insides were on fire. I did what I usually do when I have pain: I put a wheat bag in the microwave, then held it to myself and paced up and down the hallway, willing it to stop. Eventually the pain started to come in waves, easing off for a few seconds before returning, then it faded almost completely. By then it was 7am and I was completely exhausted. I took the day off work and spent much of the morning sleeping. I wasn't so sure about eating, but for lunch I had a couple of kiwifruit and some almonds. All seemed fine until the same thing happened again about 3pm and at 9pm. Each time, a dull ache grew into excruciating pain, which lasted for only about 20 minutes before gradually fading away.

Harvest

Yesterday morning D and I went to the clinic for the egg collection. We weren't allowed to have anything to eat or drink and I was feeling the lack of coffee! We had to wait for a little while, then we were shown through to a little room where a nurse took my vital signs and I changed into a gown. She also gave me some medication to calm me.

Second scan

This morning we went to have a blood test and then to the clinic to have my second scan. Dr P was in his usual form, chatting about an amazing new ultrasound machine he'd read about, but I'm used to it by now! Unfortunately some of the follicles that we saw on Thursday haven't grown very much, but I have four mature follicles, three on one side and one on the other. So rather than leave them for much longer, Dr P would like to do the egg collection on Monday. That means a day off for both of us and only one more injection for me.